I keep jerking it back, thinking there is some kind of battle going on. But I am the only one pulling. He is just holding on trying to take it away from me when I am ready to get rid of it. Because that is what has been tripping me up.
The rope was very strong and long and wound up all around me, sometimes making me trip and other times not even able to move. He would gently pull the rope to get me loose. But because of the way I was tangled up, sometimes it would cause me to spin around, get dizzy and even fall. The rope even would cause burns on my skin it was so tight.
But He has been gentle and faithful. He knew when I was strong enough to pull it away and when I needed to rest. Sometimes I was even able to help Him get me untangled. But now all that is left of the rope is what remains in my hands and I keep tightening the grip and sometimes jerk it back and even wind myself up in it. That gives Him rope burns. And I feel bad about that. I keep thinking that we are in a battle over this rope. But this rope has been keeping me in bondage. It has been preventing me from being free. And He has been trying to help rid me of this constriction.
But I am nervous and a little afraid. It sometimes feels good to have the rope tight against my skin and as weird as it sounds, the rope burns serve their purpose of self punishment. Gentleness and Love are somewhat different for me. As the rope has been unwrapped from my body, I am getting more and more used to the different feeling, but I am afraid to let go of the end of the rope. What will happen to me? The rope was my lifeline for a very, very long time. Not a healthy one I know, but something to hold on to none-the-less. His Truth tells me He is Faithful. His Truth tells me He wants what is best for me.
I am a little sad as I watch the rope fall to the ground and slide away. It’s just me now. Breathe, Just Breathe. But I am thinking I actually will have quite a bit of strength now as I don’t have to be using all my strength to grip the rope to keep it on my side. It’s not really a war if I am the only one fighting.