So I was waiting outside to be let in to volunteer at our church. The parish administrator came by, said hello and offered to unlock the door. He asked the standard, “How are you” line and I said “Ok” and asked him how he was. “Better than I deserve,” he replied. I got an immediate knot in my stomach and responded, “Well that’s not a very empowering statement.” And his response sent my psyche spinning. “Isn’t that true for all of us?”
I am not allowed to feel good?!? I don’t deserve to have good days?!? What about me finally recognizing my amazingly awesome life and enjoying it?!? I get that I have sinned and that the Father allowed his Son to take the punishment for my sins so I may live with Them forever. But I believe that we should be grateful for that and make the most of that love by enjoying our lives and not focusing on misery and sin.
I am so sick of breast-beating, negative self-talking, masochistic, pathetic attitudes. Done with that guy. – so now I have to counter that message –
I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH KING!
I MATTER! I MOST DEFINITELY MATTER!
GOD HAS A PLAN OF SHEER GOODNESS FOR ME!
I have worked really, really hard at digging new grooves in my brain, thinking positive and stopping the self sabotage. I certainly don’t need people like that screwing me up, especially leaders in the church.
You know, each of us need to have a personal relationship with Christ. Too many people have depended on church leaders to be their “God connection,” thinking just showing up at church gets us in with the Big Guy. But sometimes, some of those church leaders seem more messed up than the people they minister to.
So we have to be accountable to take the time to know God. To have a relationship with his Son Jesus. To feel the power of the Holy Spirit. Spend the time to know His promptings, His whispers, His guidance, His presence, His Love. Spend the time. He is calling us. We are wired to connect with Him but it must be a DIRECT connection. Oh we can double check the accuracy of what we feel are His promptings, His whispers, His Love, by seeing if it matches the truth in scripture, but God has a plan of sheer goodness for each of us and we will only feel fulfilled in our lives is we connect with him and carry out that plan.
What’s cool about that plan is that it is what we were created for. Discerning, figuring out, carrying out that plan is how we will feel fulfilled. And at peace. No matter what is happening around us.
And even when someone make a comment that cuts me to my knees, I can recognize, regroup and recover!
After all, I am the daughter of the most high King and I’ll hold my head high!