My husband’s prayers are so powerful

I got a root canal this morning.  4:20 am.  Yep you read it right.  We live in the suburbs of Chicago and we got up at 3:15am to drive into Chicago to arrive by 4:15am.  I don’t like driving very much, especially into the city, so I asked my hubby if he would drive me as I was more stressed about the trip in as I was about the procedure I was going to have.  Knowing he can sleep anywhere, I figured he could lay the seat back and snooze until I was done.

We got there early and I asked him to pray for me. A mere 40 minutes later, I was knocking at the passenger window with a swollen left side, ready to head back home!  A total answer of his prayer to go quickly and smoothly, taking 1/2 as long as 90% of the dentist’s usual patients.

We got home by 5:45am and by his suggestion, I went back to bed to rest while the Novocaine was still in effect.  3 hours later, I could finally feel all of my face.  With just a little discomfort, I went through my day, being more productive than I was originally planning, only having to make a meal adjustment of having a serving of Shakeology for breakfast AND lunch as it was still feeling weird to chew on my left side.

Again, his prayers answered.  Thanks babe!

What to do if your husband doesn’t pray like mine?  You pray for him.  Pray for him to become that man that will.  That’s what I did a l-o-n-g time ago.  And how much fruit those prayers have yielded.  Well worth my time for sure.

Would it be worth yours?

Keep your light lit

I listened to the story of a friend who was in Thailand attending a Buddist cermony.  She was antsy and her native friend told her they would eat after she went around the building three times with her lit candle.  Trying to rush through the process as she listened to her growling stomach, her candle repeatedly went out as her frustration went up.

Her friends gently explained to her that in her rushing to be done, she missed her opportunity to slow down and rejuvenate her spirit.

We must all watch for burnout!


I wish to walk slowly so my light stays lit.

How about you?  How fast are you moving?

The balance of work and rest

It has taken me over 50 years to desire rest.  Yep, 50 years.  I am usually on the go.  From one thing to the next.  Even sometimes sitting watching T.V. I have a laptop to multi-task.  However, just 2 days ago I made the conscious decision to NOT work during certain times.  Just sit. Just watch a movie.  Just visit with my husband.  And it has been wonderful!   It is actually energizing.  Which is good for as I usually make myself “do one more thing,” or “just finish ____”  which ends up taking me more time than I estimated.

So now, I will allow myself times to just be.  I also have been hesitant to relax as in my experience growing up, people who relaxed were lazy and not liked.

But now that I am clear with whose approval I am looking for, I can let go of that and enjoy myself.

Yeah me.



You guessed it…

Yep.  Another post about lessons/metaphors about wearing my boot.

And you are saying, “Really?  Enough already.”  Not that you don’t care about my foot and feel bad about my injury.  You just really don’t want to hear about it anymore.

AND THAT IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS WITH HEALING FROM SEXUAL ABUSE.  I live with it day in and day out and most people, even though they sincerely care about me and feel bad, if they even know the extent of the trauma I have lived through, really don’t want to hear about it anymore.

But I think it is that way for everybody.  You lose a family member and people rally around you during the first week during the wake and funeral and then most people go back to living their lives and you are left to figure out how to move forward, never being the same.

You lose your job and everybody feels bad and says they’ll pray for you but then days, weeks and months go by with increasing difficulty to meet expenses.  And self-esteem beings to plummet and discouragement sets in.  But you keep plugging away, day after day, week after week, month after month.

Your kids go off to college, or get married, or move out of state and…you get the idea.

So what is my point.

I guess my point is:  Most people are wounded and we may or may not see the “injury.” 

I’d like to propose we slow down and talk to people.  Really listen to them.  Take 10 seconds to quiet ourselves and then reach out and listen to your neighbor or call a friend that has been on your mind.  I can’t count how many times I follow a prompting and send a text “Been thinking about you, can you talk?”  or make a call and the other person has been so grateful.

That is how I want to live my life.  No matter what I have been through, take the time to heal from my wounds so I am able to reach out and help others with theirs.

So I will take the time to do my physical therapy and apply the oils and pain creme and ice as needed so my foot gets better and be patient with myself and others as I heal.

How do you want to live your life?

Even more lessons from the boot….

Some days my foot hurts worse than others.  It is usually because I wasn’t mindful of the injury the day before.  There are times when it doesn’t hurt at all and times when I am elevating it and icing it.

Some days the emotional pain of sexual abuse hurts worse than others.  It usually because I wasn’t mindful the day before, making accommodations for my pain.  There are times when I am unaffected by the effects of the sexual abuse and times when I have to take extra care to work through healing. 


More lessons relating to the boot…

This may soIMG_1214und obvious but my foot is injured so I need the boot.  If I wasn’t injured, I wouldn’t need the boot.  Duh…

But this injury will take some time to heal.  Now some things I can do “normally.” I can take the boot off to drive and sleep and I don’t wear it if I am driving and then “running” a quick errand.  (haha) But I do take the time to put it on if I am going to be up and around at home and don’t have to drive anywhere. I bring it with me if I need to do alot of walking where I am going.  I also wear it more when my husband is driving as I do not have to take it on and off to drive.  That is really helpful!

So I have been injured due to the multiple instances of sexual abuse that I have endured.  This injury will take time to heal.  Some things I can do “normally.”  I can learn and grow.  And some times during the day I don’t even think about my “injury.”  And my husband’s presence around me allows me the clarity and security to work through some issues or triggers that may have come up that day.   That is really helpful!

Introspection & Loss

The Renegade Press

I recently celebrated my fourth anniversary of blogging here at The Renegade Press. As with the three anniversaries prior to this one, the moment was a bitter-sweet affair of pride and introspection. Blogging has become a passion, and a source of endless pleasure that I approach with great reverence as I attempt to pour my heart and soul into everything that I create. But it hasn’t always been this way. This website was born out of a need to find myself, and to overcome my own internal torment. Four years ago I was emotionally shattered, creatively stunted, and questioning the validity of my own existence as I battled my own private demons. I was lost inside my head,desperately searching for a purpose amongst an endless torrent of fractured, self-depreciating thoughts.

Thankfully I found that purpose; and I found myself through my writing. With each new post that I create I…

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Lessons from being Booted

IMG_1214Funny, after I wrote yesterday’s post, all I could think about today when I put the boot on, was more correlations to my sexual abuse recovery.  So I am going to keep sharing them.

My injury is a chronic thing.  Slow healing, but it will eventually get better.  However, because of the facts of my bone structure, I will have a tendency for this type of injury.

My abuse was a chronic thing.  And my healing has been slow.  But it is already so much better than it was before.  However, because of the facts of my history, I need to be careful about what triggers me.  Address those triggers and continue healing.

So This Happened to Me


I’ve dropped 70 pounds in the last year.  Great, right?  You bet!  But…the more fit I became, the more I ran.  And with my really, really flat feet, turns out that running wasn’t a good idea.  I was diagnosed with peroneal tendonosis.  Translation:  the tendons on the outside of my foot are enlarged and it hurts to walk.  Chronic thing.  Not horrible.  And I can take the boot off to drive and sleep.  I’ve been applying oils and doing therapy and it is definitely improving, but it is going to take a little while before I am fully recovered.

But God is using this circumstance as a metaphor and teach me about myself and my sexual abuse recovery.

Thought I would pass a few things I’ve learned over the next few days.

I have flat feet.  Fact.  Flat.  No Arch.  None.  So, I may not be able to run as much as I originally was planning.  Because of the unique circumstances of my flat feet, I need to find other options for working out.

I have been sexually abused.  Fact.  Sexually Abused.  Violated.  Hurt.  So, I may not be able to handle certain things in my life as originally planned.  Because of the unique circumstances of my sexual abuse, I need to find other methods for handling my unique situation.  I scare easily so don’t go to scary movies.  Sometimes, my husband will screen a movie before I see it because he knows what I can handle.  Just something I have to do.

Disagree with the Homily Tonight

My husband asked me tonight what I thought of the homily at mass.
I told him that I didn’t agree with it.
The priest said that we can’t be sure that we are saved.
He said that only The Father knows who will be saved. Not even Jesus knows.
Well, what happened to John 3:16?
I grow weary of having to screen everything that I hear but I guess that is what I have to do. It is disappointing that I cannot count on the priest to build me up and encourage me. But I am grateful for the presence of mind not to be swayed.