More lessons relating to the boot…

This may soIMG_1214und obvious but my foot is injured so I need the boot.  If I wasn’t injured, I wouldn’t need the boot.  Duh…

But this injury will take some time to heal.  Now some things I can do “normally.” I can take the boot off to drive and sleep and I don’t wear it if I am driving and then “running” a quick errand.  (haha) But I do take the time to put it on if I am going to be up and around at home and don’t have to drive anywhere. I bring it with me if I need to do alot of walking where I am going.  I also wear it more when my husband is driving as I do not have to take it on and off to drive.  That is really helpful!

So I have been injured due to the multiple instances of sexual abuse that I have endured.  This injury will take time to heal.  Some things I can do “normally.”  I can learn and grow.  And some times during the day I don’t even think about my “injury.”  And my husband’s presence around me allows me the clarity and security to work through some issues or triggers that may have come up that day.   That is really helpful!

Introspection & Loss

The Renegade Press

I recently celebrated my fourth anniversary of blogging here at The Renegade Press. As with the three anniversaries prior to this one, the moment was a bitter-sweet affair of pride and introspection. Blogging has become a passion, and a source of endless pleasure that I approach with great reverence as I attempt to pour my heart and soul into everything that I create. But it hasn’t always been this way. This website was born out of a need to find myself, and to overcome my own internal torment. Four years ago I was emotionally shattered, creatively stunted, and questioning the validity of my own existence as I battled my own private demons. I was lost inside my head,desperately searching for a purpose amongst an endless torrent of fractured, self-depreciating thoughts.

Thankfully I found that purpose; and I found myself through my writing. With each new post that I create I…

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Lessons from being Booted

IMG_1214Funny, after I wrote yesterday’s post, all I could think about today when I put the boot on, was more correlations to my sexual abuse recovery.  So I am going to keep sharing them.

My injury is a chronic thing.  Slow healing, but it will eventually get better.  However, because of the facts of my bone structure, I will have a tendency for this type of injury.

My abuse was a chronic thing.  And my healing has been slow.  But it is already so much better than it was before.  However, because of the facts of my history, I need to be careful about what triggers me.  Address those triggers and continue healing.

So This Happened to Me


I’ve dropped 70 pounds in the last year.  Great, right?  You bet!  But…the more fit I became, the more I ran.  And with my really, really flat feet, turns out that running wasn’t a good idea.  I was diagnosed with peroneal tendonosis.  Translation:  the tendons on the outside of my foot are enlarged and it hurts to walk.  Chronic thing.  Not horrible.  And I can take the boot off to drive and sleep.  I’ve been applying oils and doing therapy and it is definitely improving, but it is going to take a little while before I am fully recovered.

But God is using this circumstance as a metaphor and teach me about myself and my sexual abuse recovery.

Thought I would pass a few things I’ve learned over the next few days.

I have flat feet.  Fact.  Flat.  No Arch.  None.  So, I may not be able to run as much as I originally was planning.  Because of the unique circumstances of my flat feet, I need to find other options for working out.

I have been sexually abused.  Fact.  Sexually Abused.  Violated.  Hurt.  So, I may not be able to handle certain things in my life as originally planned.  Because of the unique circumstances of my sexual abuse, I need to find other methods for handling my unique situation.  I scare easily so don’t go to scary movies.  Sometimes, my husband will screen a movie before I see it because he knows what I can handle.  Just something I have to do.

Disagree with the Homily Tonight

My husband asked me tonight what I thought of the homily at mass.
I told him that I didn’t agree with it.
The priest said that we can’t be sure that we are saved.
He said that only The Father knows who will be saved. Not even Jesus knows.
Well, what happened to John 3:16?
I grow weary of having to screen everything that I hear but I guess that is what I have to do. It is disappointing that I cannot count on the priest to build me up and encourage me. But I am grateful for the presence of mind not to be swayed.

Happy Anniversary

My husband I have been married for 29 years and I wanted to present something special to him this year so I made this for him…

Happy Birthday to Me!

I turned 50 a year ago and wanted to crawl under a rock.  What a difference 365 days makes…

i am not like everyone else

Nobody really is exactly like everyone right? However, I’d like to categorize groups and types of people. And the types of people I am talking about are those that have been sexually abused and those who have not.  If you have read any of my past posts, you know that I have been sexually abused.  Because of that, I handle things differently, I process things differently, I see things differently.  Differently than those who have not been sexually abused.  And  even differently within the group of those who have been sexually abused, depending on where each person is at on their road to recovery.

Duh, you might say.

But it is an important thing to remember, especially when I respond to statements that trigger me.  And it is important for me to remember about the people who make those statements.

Important for all of us to remember, right?

Got rid of electronic clutter!

I love checking things off my “to do” list.  LOVE IT.  I will even write things down that I already finished just so I can check it off.  Gives me a feeling of accomplishment.

Yesterday, I checked off “cleaning up all my email files and folders.”  Holy cow, what a feeling of relief to get rid of that electronic clutter.

And fairly painless as I was watching my DVR’d Hallmark movie (I can scan through the blasted medical and legal commercials.)  Went through each folder, got rid of what is no longer needed, deleted the trash and junk bins and I feel AWESOME!

No lingering feeling that I am missing something and no extra emails cluttering up my screen.
I highly recommend it!

Have you cleaned our your email folders lately?

Invisibly crippled

1/6 of the female population has been sexually abused according to the current stats from RAINN.  We look the same as everyone else on the outside but inside we have parts that are broken.  The traumatic experience has long term invisible effects:

According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network):

The likelihood that a person suffers suicidal or depressive thoughts increases after sexual violence.

  • 94% of women who are raped experience post-truamatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms during the two weeks following the rape.9
  • 30% of women report PTSD symptoms 9 months after the rape.10
  • 33% of women who are raped contemplate suicide.11
  • 13% of women who are raped attempt suicide.11
  • Approximately 70% of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime.12

People who have been sexually assaulted are more likely to use drugs than the general public.11

Sexual violence also affects victims’ relationships with their family, friends, and co-workers.12

  • 38% of victims of sexual violence experience work or school problems, which can include significant problems with a boss, coworker, or peer.
  • 37% experience family/friend problems, including getting into arguments more frequently than before, not feeling able to trust their family/friends, or not feeling as close to them as before the crime.
  • 84% of survivors who were victimized by an intimate partner experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school.
  • 79% of survivors who were victimized by a family member, close friend or acquaintance experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school.
  • 67% of survivors who were victimized by a stranger experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school.

Lots of mental and emotional problems that we have to deal with day after day after day. Month after month after month.  Year after year after year.

But the effewheel chairimagescts may not as visible like an individual who uses a wheelchair, cane or walker to indicate they need a little assistance.


But I am living proof, like someone in rehab, who perseveres and heals, the “limp”  can decrease and really does go away.  And now I can walk with no effort and even run!

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