This past Christmas, I gave a gift to the Christ-child. I told him I would stop abusing my body. Specifically in the form of making myself throw-up. I have been bulimic off and on, if that is even possible, since I was 15. Since I couldn’t take the sexual abuse anymore. It has continued to some degree for the past 36 years. If I am upset with myself, I’ll make myself throw-up. If I am angry, I will make myself throw-up to punish myself. If I am hurt, I will figure out a way to blame myself and throw-up. If I over-eat, I will be made at myself and make myself throw-up.
But my gift to Jesus on his birthday this year was to STOP.
And the way I need to accomplish this is by digging new grooves in my brain. Digging new thought patterns and filling in the old grooves so I stop defaulting to that thinking.
I over ate tonight by 88 calories. I am so mad at myself. But I am not going to do it. I am not going to make myself throw-up.
Happy Birthday Jesus.