It’s not for me

My husband and I just got back from church.  One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to go to confession once a month.  So I put it in my calendar and made it happen.  I was reflecting on the way there and thought I would have some time in church to  continue to think before I went in.  But was I ever wrong!

Reconciliation times are set to begin right after mass on Saturday mornings.  Well I guess that is also the time to say the rosary and every other litany and prayer that the people there can think of.

My husband drove me and when we walked in, he wondered how I was going to handle it, knowing how I feel about these situations.  I went and stood at the end of a long line and pulled my hood over my head to muffle the noise so I could at least try to remember what I wanted to say.  The line moved fairly quickly as I listened to monotonous rattling of the Our Father’s, Hail Mary’s and Glory Be’s.  But I wondered how long it would be before I needed to add more sins to confess because of what I did while I was waiting in line.

I watched people who were waiting in line in front of me praying the rosary until they went into the confessional and immediately starting again after they quickly came out.  I think it is a fair bet for me to guess that they do this every week.  I found my blood starting to boil, probably because I am learning not to stuff my feelings down with food anymore, and wondered how they could properly reflect before going into the confessional while simultaneously joining in the praying too?

I ached for quiet but calmly handled the situation without punching anyone or squatting down wrapping my arms around my ears and screaming for them to shut up. My husband and I spoke on the way home. He said that he couldn’t judge those people for what they were doing but can say without reservation that “it wasn’t for him.”  And he was totally ok with that.  And for probably the first time in my life, I can say the same thing.

I feel connected with God and I know when I feel his presence and what he is calling me to do and the little steps he is calling me to take.  That is what I need to focus on. So next month, I think I might go a little bit later to get in line.



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