There is a organization called STAARR (sexual trauma and abuse recovery resources) that I get emails from twice a week and they are spot on! I cannot tell you how many times I read their email and it expresses exactly what I feel but have difficulty verbalizing.
Today they talked about how need and lack are dangerous for survivors of sexual abuse. They were able to further peg for me why I have a difficult time relaxing. My experience has trained me to always be on guard. The facts of my abuse conditioned me to always be watching. So to close my eyes wouldn’t be safe. Not only did I not want to be considered lazy by my dad, they finally helped me realize another reason that I was eating instead of closing my eyes to relax.
Thanks Sallie and Anne!