This too shall pass

I was driving east yesterday morning as the multi-layered clouds illustrated life to me.


There was  wispy grayness overshadowing the typically bright white cotton-balled sky.  However, as the looked, and the dreary-ness  floated past, I saw that white billowy layer higher up reflecting the sun.

It made me think of how life is.  Even when things are tough, the grayness is just passing by and if I can focus on the grounded love of God’s plan of sheer goodness for me, I will soon see the sun.  I need to stand confident and grounded in the truth that bright light of God’s love exists even if i cannot “see” it that second.  The truth is that it is there.  Just temporarily shielded.

And that too shall pass.

I’ll never have it

Why do I eat instead of close my eyes and rest?


Because my dad always criticized my mom for relaxing and I wanted him to love me.  Still, after everything, a little girl just wants her father’s love.

But God knew that would happen, right?

That’s why He is my heavenly father.  So I can still get the love of a daddy.  Unconditional, total, encompassing love.

Not what I was looking for.  It’s better.

I guess I did have a daddy after all.

I just need to believe that truth.


It’s Different

My reflections today spoke of allowing God to have his way in my life.  And thankfully because of all the new grooves that I have dug in my brain, I can understand that God having his way in my life IS NOT THE SAME as the men who “had their way with me.”

It’s not the same.

It’s safe to allow the Lord to be Lord of my life.

I don’t have to be in control of everything.

I can trust God and his plan of sheer goodness for me!

That’s different for me and that’s GOOD!


Paying Attention

I was driving east this morning and saw a beautiful sky. But the sun was shining through the clouds only at certain times.

I had to be alert to see the beauty. The absolute radiance of the sun’s rays streaming through the billowy white clouds. 

The sun was continually shining whether or not I could see it, it was always there. But even though I had the knowledge of its presence, it was such a treat to witness the beauty. 

And that is how I believe it is with God. He is always there, but sometimes is hidden in “cloudy” circumstances but if we are looking, we can see His radiance shining through. 

He has a plan of sheer goodnes you know. We just have to be paying attention. 

Parameters protect

I am grateful for the parameters that I have to protect my psyche and well-being.  Sometimes others that I associate with are not in a good way and it is necessary to for me to back away to protect the progress that I have made.  I make an effort to help but when that person is not in a place to better themselves or their situation, it is time for me to let them be.  I do not believe that we need to drown because others have chosen not to learn to swim and yet have decided to tread water in the deep end.

Waiting before Working

I love reflections from Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling!  The one from August 29th talked about sitting quietly in His presence.

Just being.

Just listening.

She writes that “this act of faith-waiting before working- is noted in the spirit world, where your demonstration of trust weakens principalities and powers of darkness.”

Holy cow.

So my just ‘being’ gets results.

She ends with “As you look to me for guidance, I enable you to do less but accomplish more.”

Holy Cow.

Thanks God!

My husband’s prayers are so powerful

I got a root canal this morning.  4:20 am.  Yep you read it right.  We live in the suburbs of Chicago and we got up at 3:15am to drive into Chicago to arrive by 4:15am.  I don’t like driving very much, especially into the city, so I asked my hubby if he would drive me as I was more stressed about the trip in as I was about the procedure I was going to have.  Knowing he can sleep anywhere, I figured he could lay the seat back and snooze until I was done.

We got there early and I asked him to pray for me. A mere 40 minutes later, I was knocking at the passenger window with a swollen left side, ready to head back home!  A total answer of his prayer to go quickly and smoothly, taking 1/2 as long as 90% of the dentist’s usual patients.

We got home by 5:45am and by his suggestion, I went back to bed to rest while the Novocaine was still in effect.  3 hours later, I could finally feel all of my face.  With just a little discomfort, I went through my day, being more productive than I was originally planning, only having to make a meal adjustment of having a serving of Shakeology for breakfast AND lunch as it was still feeling weird to chew on my left side.

Again, his prayers answered.  Thanks babe!

What to do if your husband doesn’t pray like mine?  You pray for him.  Pray for him to become that man that will.  That’s what I did a l-o-n-g time ago.  And how much fruit those prayers have yielded.  Well worth my time for sure.

Would it be worth yours?

Prove it!

I have defined my current quest.  Something that has been stirring and brewing and motivating me but this morning I defined it.

Proving to myself that I can trust God and his plan of sheer goodness for me.

I need to believe it, really believe it in order to have peace.  Actually I think everyone needs to believe it, but I am going to focus on me and my particular circumstances to prove to myself that He can be trusted.

But you may say, “He’s GOD for goodness sake!  Why can’t you trust HIM?  He created EVERYTHING, and EVERYONE!”  That argument actually proves my point.  When I was the most vulnerable, in my experience,  those people that God created, those people that God put in place to protect and be the closest to me abused me.

But you may say, “Leave the past in the past.  You need to move forward.”  If I have the BELIEF that God cannot be trusted, that will affect every single thing in my life.  I WANT to believe that God can be trusted but because of my experience, I have to re-train, dig new grooves in my brain to show myself the truth of who GOD is DESPITE what happened to me.

But you may say, “You just need to have faith.  Faith is believing without understanding. God doesn’t need to prove himself to you.”  Well, actually I believe He does to me, and the other 16% of women and the male population who have been sexually abused as I believe we are a type of “special needs population.”

I have had the privilege of being an aide in school classrooms who work with kids who have varying degrees of special needs.  I have seen different levels of functionality and how the teaching methods and curriculum have to be adjusted for these students.  And I believe those that have experienced sexual abuse need adjusted teaching methods and sometimes adjusted verbage too.  And this is one of those times.


So, on with my quest…. I’ll be proving that He can be trusted and that He has a plan of sheer goodness to me.

Releasing is Good for the Body and Soul

forgiveJeff Cavins really gave us something to think about at Bible Study this morning! The hardest part about being a Christian is forgiveness. But we are called to do that. Jesus showed us the way. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice of the will. It is okay to acknowledge when we have been hurt and even to bring it the offender’s attention. But then we need to forgive and release. Offer the suffering up in union with Christ and His suffering. Just as God has released us, so he expects us to do that to others. Hmm, I wonder if take the time to process this for anyone that I feel I am holding a grudge with, that muscle spasm in my back will RELEASE.