You guessed it…

Yep.  Another post about lessons/metaphors about wearing my boot.

And you are saying, “Really?  Enough already.”  Not that you don’t care about my foot and feel bad about my injury.  You just really don’t want to hear about it anymore.

AND THAT IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS WITH HEALING FROM SEXUAL ABUSE.  I live with it day in and day out and most people, even though they sincerely care about me and feel bad, if they even know the extent of the trauma I have lived through, really don’t want to hear about it anymore.

But I think it is that way for everybody.  You lose a family member and people rally around you during the first week during the wake and funeral and then most people go back to living their lives and you are left to figure out how to move forward, never being the same.

You lose your job and everybody feels bad and says they’ll pray for you but then days, weeks and months go by with increasing difficulty to meet expenses.  And self-esteem beings to plummet and discouragement sets in.  But you keep plugging away, day after day, week after week, month after month.

Your kids go off to college, or get married, or move out of state and…you get the idea.

So what is my point.

I guess my point is:  Most people are wounded and we may or may not see the “injury.” 

I’d like to propose we slow down and talk to people.  Really listen to them.  Take 10 seconds to quiet ourselves and then reach out and listen to your neighbor or call a friend that has been on your mind.  I can’t count how many times I follow a prompting and send a text “Been thinking about you, can you talk?”  or make a call and the other person has been so grateful.

That is how I want to live my life.  No matter what I have been through, take the time to heal from my wounds so I am able to reach out and help others with theirs.

So I will take the time to do my physical therapy and apply the oils and pain creme and ice as needed so my foot gets better and be patient with myself and others as I heal.

How do you want to live your life?

More lessons relating to the boot…

This may soIMG_1214und obvious but my foot is injured so I need the boot.  If I wasn’t injured, I wouldn’t need the boot.  Duh…

But this injury will take some time to heal.  Now some things I can do “normally.” I can take the boot off to drive and sleep and I don’t wear it if I am driving and then “running” a quick errand.  (haha) But I do take the time to put it on if I am going to be up and around at home and don’t have to drive anywhere. I bring it with me if I need to do alot of walking where I am going.  I also wear it more when my husband is driving as I do not have to take it on and off to drive.  That is really helpful!

So I have been injured due to the multiple instances of sexual abuse that I have endured.  This injury will take time to heal.  Some things I can do “normally.”  I can learn and grow.  And some times during the day I don’t even think about my “injury.”  And my husband’s presence around me allows me the clarity and security to work through some issues or triggers that may have come up that day.   That is really helpful!

Releasing is Good for the Body and Soul

forgiveJeff Cavins really gave us something to think about at Bible Study this morning! The hardest part about being a Christian is forgiveness. But we are called to do that. Jesus showed us the way. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice of the will. It is okay to acknowledge when we have been hurt and even to bring it the offender’s attention. But then we need to forgive and release. Offer the suffering up in union with Christ and His suffering. Just as God has released us, so he expects us to do that to others. Hmm, I wonder if take the time to process this for anyone that I feel I am holding a grudge with, that muscle spasm in my back will RELEASE.

Overweight means insecure?

I love Karol Truman’s book “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.”  If you haven’t read it, she suggests that most of the physical ailments we have are a manifestation of the emotional pain that we have buried.  Since I pretty much ate my way through this past Christmas, I would like to highlight the condition of Overweight.

She suggests that being overweight may indicate feelings of insecurity, feelings of self-rejection, wanting to protect the body, seeking love and fulfillment, attempting to fulfill the self, feelings are being stuffed inside, unexpressed, mis-perceived and inappropriate feelings.  Well, some of those sure resonate with me.  Anyone else?  Since I was sexually abused as child during the Christmas season, I am thinking that is why I engorged myself this past yule. And the results of that binge are nasty considering I am co-founder of a wellness company that promotes an amazing Weight Release Program.  I should walk the walk, right?  Well, I am all the about “WHY” and I want to make my weight release permanent.  My goal is to have food be my fuel, not my tool.

dig-deep

So I need to dig deeper.  And if you know anything about digging deep, sometimes, it is shitting and smelly.  Well I am done burying the pain.  Step by step, bite by bite, I long for an “effort free Phase 3.”  ( For those not familiar with our program, Phase 3 is regular eating, limited sugars and starches, nothing off limits, but when hungry and in moderation.)  The good news is even though some times are dark and difficult, I can always get up and move forward.

Have you had an experience of digger deeper to get to the cause?

 

Work for Justice?

Abuse is funny thing. It seems that person abused continues to get abused even after the actual event or events have abuse phototaken place. It seems to me that when the abused has enough courage to reveal the horror of what happened to him/her, is it assumed that the abused is lying and that the abuser is innocent. Now I know there is a fraction, a much publicized sliver of folks who falsely accuse, who actually have created the situation for the rest of us. But I would venture to guess those that falsely accuse have some issue that they are seeking justice for, they just couldn’t get the right message through.

Other than the few previously mentioned, what does the abused have to gain by letting the “cat out of the bag?”

Peace of mind.

Which is something MasterCard and VISA cannot even come close to- though they market to those who are trying to find it. And that is a lot of us. I recall a bumper sticker that reads: “If you want Peace, work for Justice.” Well, I am not so sure about justice, but I need peace of mind.

I didn’t make everything up.
It isn’t all in my head.

But I have no one’s testimony but my own. And I have plenty to argue against me, and have been.

But I am grateful for the analogy the Lord has given me. If you have ever watched a boat go by, there is a wake in the water that follows it. A wake that travels longer and wider than the boat itself. If you missed the boat going by, but see the wake, you know that the boat has been by even though you missed that actual watercraft. The evidence of the wake proves the presence of the boat. That is how it is with me. No one saw any boats go by. But the wake of the sexual abuses that I have experienced is still rippling in the water to this day. So my conscious mind takes that as proof.

The mind is a powerful thing. As is the body. Or more specifically, body memory. If the world denies the abuse that the body and mind, conscious or subconscious, knows occurred, there is further abuse and the abused is further traumatized. So where is the justice and where is the peace? Not so sure about the justice for me at this point as I cannot afford any court battles, but I am looking for peace of mind.

I would venture to guess that those that don’t find it don’t stay on this earth for long. It is too painful. Where’s the justice there? But maybe they have peace. The God I know is merciful and Just. So I have to continue to trust that justice will eventually be done.

His Justice.
His Perfect Justice.
Which also brings His Peace.

Success.

Silent Islands

So many hurting people out there. And only a few talking- verbally anyway.

But I think the pain speaks volumes in our physical body.

I am thanking God for the healing that I have had and all the different things that I have felt and the skills of observation and knowledge that I feel He has blessed me with that is now helping the “Silent Islands” I am meeting every single week. Abused, defeated, self-punishing creations that need our Message of Hope. It is a tough journey though, but well worth it. Uncovering all the lies that are causing sickness and pain leads to freedom and healing.

I am praying the hurting souls will open their mouths and discover they are not the only one out there in the ocean of life. Each island is less that an arms length away. Imagine the land mass if we all could muster the strength to look up and reach out.

robben-island

Tug of War going on

He’s been asking me to let go of the end of the rope. tug-of-war

I keep jerking it back, thinking there is some kind of battle going on. But I am the only one pulling. He is just holding on trying to take it away from me when I am ready to get rid of it. Because that is what has been tripping me up.

The rope was very strong and long and wound up all around me, sometimes making me trip and other times not even able to move. He would gently pull the rope to get me loose. But because of the way I was tangled up, sometimes it would cause me to spin around, get dizzy and even fall. The rope even would cause burns on my skin it was so tight.

But He has been gentle and faithful. He knew when I was strong enough to pull it away and when I needed to rest. Sometimes I was even able to help Him get me untangled. But now all that is left of the rope is what remains in my hands and I keep tightening the grip and sometimes jerk it back and even wind myself up in it. That gives Him rope burns. And I feel bad about that. I keep thinking that we are in a battle over this rope. But this rope has been keeping me in bondage. It has been preventing me from being free. And He has been trying to help rid me of this constriction.

But I am nervous and a little afraid. It sometimes feels good to have the rope tight against my skin and as weird as it sounds, the rope burns serve their purpose of self punishment. Gentleness and Love are somewhat different for me. As the rope has been unwrapped from my body, I am getting more and more used to the different feeling, but I am afraid to let go of the end of the rope. What will happen to me? The rope was my lifeline for a very, very long time. Not a healthy one I know, but something to hold on to none-the-less. His Truth tells me He is Faithful. His Truth tells me He wants what is best for me.

I am a little sad as I watch the rope fall to the ground and slide away. It’s just me now. Breathe, Just Breathe. But I am thinking I actually will have quite a bit of strength now as I don’t have to be using all my strength to grip the rope to keep it on my side. It’s not really a war if I am the only one fighting.

I surrender.

Made of Plastic?

So when I started this lenten journey and even before that when I named this blog “shedding my second skin” I thought it was about losing weight and being comfortable with me- not needing to be protected with physical fatty layering. images

Well, I am discovering that my second skin was somewhat made of plastic. Very sturdy, impenetrable material.I took a risk writing personal reflections on my Lenten journey and am allowing pieces, sometimes pretty big pieces of my plastic shell to break away. I feel vulnerable, and human. And people are responding much more to my lenten journey blogs than the ones I wrote to be specifically motivational. Ironic that I decided to just write reflections and not worry about motivating folks- that people are actually finding my reflections inspirational. Who woulda thunk it? Not me, that’s for sure.

The more vulnerable and human I am, the more plastic skin I allow to chip away, the more positive response I get. Thanks.

Do you have a second skin?  What is it made of?

James, temptation, food

We are studying the book of James and author Jeff Cavins had some interesting insights that I felt could relate to my struggle with food.  James tells us that temptation comes from within.  God doesn’t tempt us.  The source of our temptation comes from our own desires.  We need to interrupt temptation with wisdom.  We need to pursue Him when we are tempted and flee from the temptation.  The nature of sin is that it appears like something good.  And if we are not careful, we end up choosing the “natural” and forfeiting the supernatural.  For example, our desire may be to fit in, so we maybe we end up making fun of someone so we can belong to “the” group, instead of resisting the temptation to gossip and moving beyond that and growing closer to the One who can be with us that we never feel alone.    We chose things that lead to comfort but those things  may not be the best way to fulfill our desire.  St. Augustine wrote that we want something good but sometimes we go about it all wrong. If we don’t resist temptation, we can become addicted to the easy comfort, bad habits form, we start seeing evil as good, rationalize.

That’s where God and His mercy comes into play.  In the midst of our sin, or even addictions at times, He loves us so much that He won’t let us continue that way.  Things may happen that cause us to look at what we have created and change our focus to the Creator.

So the next time we struggle with temptation, ask:  “What is the natural good that I am looking for in these things?”

Sometimes it is necessary to sacrifice the natural for the supernatural. But be assured that Divine Power gushes forth in our weakness.

And another cool things is that in the suffering of the sacrifice, God can redeem it, as we can assign the sufferings of the sacrifice to a cause.

So that brings me to my temptation with food.  My addiction to food?

What is the natural good that I am looking for in food?  The answers vary.  Sometimes I want to just relax- sit down and EAT.   Sometimes I want to escape, numb the pain of the my heart.  EAT and not think.  Food is my easy, natural answer.  What is my supernatural answer?  If I want to relax, I could sit without music, TV, both feet on the floor, meditate, pray, journal, take a cat nap.  Supernatural choices.  If I want to numb the pain in my heart, I could use my YL oils, I could read the bible, pray, journal, cry, actually cry.  Hmmm.  Lots of choices.  And each time His mercy is ready and waiting.  Wow.  Now that’s Supernatural for you.  Worth the sacrifice.

Vicki Dau and her husband Tom are the founders of TeamDau Wellness, partners on your journey to optimal health.

How is stress manifesting in your life? Weigh gain, lack of quality sleep, low energy or pain?  Visit our Website or Contact us for more information.  630-745-1120

Too hot or too cold to snooze?

Getting a good night’s sleep is imperative for us to be able to function well the next day.  Maybe we go to bed too late… or we are laying in bed for hours but don’t have good sleeping cycles and we wake up too many times and cannot get back to sleep… or our brain is going crazy… or the room is too cold or too warm.  Well, now there is something to ponder.  Is there a optimal sleeping temperature?

Yes, according to an Article by WebMD.  When we go to bed, our body’s internal thermostat, our body’s set point, goes down and if the room is too cold or too hot, our body struggles to achieve the set point and we struggle sleeping.  Between 65 and 72 degrees is the recommended temperature.  Too warm and your body cannot regulate to a cooler temperature and too cold may save on energy bills, but you may be so crabby that won’t matter much.

My family were overnight guests in the basement of a family members’ home and we were freezing…like shivering under multiple blankets. None of us slept well that night.  On the reverse, we have lost power in the sweltering summer heat and laying in bed, hour after hour, with no fan, no air conditioning, just sweat.

So figure out what is the best temperature for you. We are good with 65 degrees, but sometimes the kids complain that it is too cold.  I guess I need to remember our chilly night and perhaps strike a happy medium.  Shivering kept to a minimum and snuggling to the max.  Sweet dreams.

Vicki and her husband Tom created TeamDau Wellness to provide Health, Weight and Stress Solutions That Really Work.  Take a Free Wellness Assessment and utilize their resources to achieve optimal health.  630-745-1120. TeamDauWellness.com